We have all had at least one situation where we have handled ourselves so poorly that we believe it to be unsalvageable. The worst are betrayals and unjustified grudges and vendettas. Once the realization that we are indeed in the wrong, once we get past the blame deflection (IF we get past it, I should say), we feel blind, helpless, naked even. Our worst has been exposed and we are helpless to make the shame and the guilt go away.
St. Paul had an unjustified grudge against the Way, as St. Luke puts it (please see today's Mass reading from Acts 9.1-20 here). He had gone off the charts crusading against the very young Church in Judaea and was spreading that influence to Syria. There was no realization here until he became one of the (at the time unwilling) witnesses to the resurrected Jesus of Nazareth. Exposure to the proof that he had been dead wrong, St. Paul literally lost his sight and curled in on himself for three days. A young, dynamic man, he just sat in his room with the consequence of his guilt.
In the Gospel for today's Mass (John 21.1-19, which can also be found here), St. Peter is fishing with his fellow Apostles. By this time, Jesus had appeared multiple times to several people, but there was one big elephant in the room. Until this point, St. Peter's triple denial of Our Lord at His trial had yet to be addressed. The Gospel states that St. Peter had been naked on the boat while fishing. People have spilled a lot of ink about why this was important, but one thing should be noted and that is the allegorical component of the story. St. Peter had rejected the Son of God, just as Adam and Eve had rejected fellowship with God in the Garden by their disobedience. Like Adam and Eve, St. Peter in his guilt was naked and exposed and ashamed before the Lord.
What follows next in both cases is WHY our Lord Jesus died on the cross and rose again from the tomb. He did these things to redeem a lost humanity from its guilt and its shame, and to recapitulate, that is to recalibrate and set back on course, the destiny of humanity. St. Paul was sent St. Ananias to pray over him and by the power of the Holy Spirit to restore his sight, and in baptism unite St. Paul to the great Passover Lamb. St. Peter had a chance to regain his dignity (to put on his clothes), and to reavow his love and devotion to Jesus the Lord once for every denial he made. Both men received a second chance to make it right, to move past the crippling guilt of their wrongdoing.
In most cases where a betrayal or an enmity is so great, people can't get past them and forgive the guilty party, let alone trust them. But here, the Lord not only forgave them, he entrusted them with the greatest charge anyone could possibly receive.
He offers the same to us. We can remain paralyzed in our blindness or stuck naked and adrift in the cosmos without plan or purpose, or we can reach out in faith and accept that Jesus affords us a recapitulation, a chance to work past the ultimate betrayal of our relationship with God. It does not matter that the betrayal is total, the enmity unsurmountable, Jesus paid that debt so we could get past it and move forward in God's love and becoming who God intends us to be.
Thanks be to God.
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